We lived one block from the public school in Grand Island, Nebraska. Yet, my mother drove me across town from Preschool through 3rd grade, where I attended Trinity Lutheran School. Starting in the 5th grade I attended classes every Wednesday evening (9 months of the year) to learn about being Lutheran, (In order to be confirmed in the spring of 1990). In Jr. High, I attended many of the youth group events and overnighters our leaders planned for us. As a member of the Beautiful Savior Lutheran Church youth group in Olathe Kansas, I attended the National LCMS Youth Gathering in New Orleans, LA in 1992.
I was married by a Lutheran pastor, to a Lutheran man, in a Lutheran Church. My children were baptized within months of being born. I know I am a Lutheran. For all intents and purposes, I am, technically a Lutheran... That being said, Lutherans are Christians. So, Julie = Lutheran = Christian? Right?
It all seems so easy to understand. I can accept being Lutheran. And, I can accept that Lutherans are Christian. Why then, is it so hard for me to jump from Julie = Lutheran to Julie = Christian?
I think it has something to do with sin? I smoke cigarettes, I drink beer, I swear sometimes. I sin small and I sin big. As hard as I try, I still sin. I try not to sin big so much, then I think about being told all sins are the same... then I feel overwhelmed. My pastor reminds me God forgives my sin. He says it is impossible to not sin. As I am human. We are sinful by nature in thought, word and deed. We sin by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We are saved in spite of ourselves. Through the water of baptism we are washed clean of our sin. Why is this so difficult for me to grasp? I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. What scares me is... Do I believe I am saved through baptism? Why would God choose me?
My husband seems to think christians are judgmental and fake. He is leery of someone who blatantly says "I am a Christian". This is especially true if it is one of the first things you say about yourself. I wonder, is this a personal thing for him, or, do many people feel this way? He will attend church with me, and states that he does in fact feel as though he has a better week when he has attended church. He agrees with my insistence of our daughters being confirmed and taught about our faith. He even says he likes the fact that I want to attend church, read the bible, and want to learn more about God's word. I think he respects this about me. He was confirmed Lutheran, raised Lutheran as well. His parents attend church weekly. Yet, this feeling of christians being judgmental and fake still stays with him.
I write this because these are my true and honest thoughts. My questions. My doubts. My fears. I hope I am not implying that all Lutherans have these doubts. This is me. I am not teaching or preaching. I am asking. I am looking for answers to these honest questions I have. I am looking for the truth, and to make sense of my thoughts. I am choosing to share the thoughts that make me, me. Maybe this is wrong? Something pulls me to find these answers. As cheesy as this sounds, it's true.
Help me to blend the me we all know, with the me who wants to be christian. Can I be fun, and have fun, and be me... as well as be a christian?
I invite your honest thoughts and opinions. If you have a biblical verse or chapter to suggest I read, I welcome that as well.
Thanks for reading.
Love the Life you Live,
Julie Brush
It all seems so easy to understand. I can accept being Lutheran. And, I can accept that Lutherans are Christian. Why then, is it so hard for me to jump from Julie = Lutheran to Julie = Christian?
I think it has something to do with sin? I smoke cigarettes, I drink beer, I swear sometimes. I sin small and I sin big. As hard as I try, I still sin. I try not to sin big so much, then I think about being told all sins are the same... then I feel overwhelmed. My pastor reminds me God forgives my sin. He says it is impossible to not sin. As I am human. We are sinful by nature in thought, word and deed. We sin by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We are saved in spite of ourselves. Through the water of baptism we are washed clean of our sin. Why is this so difficult for me to grasp? I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. What scares me is... Do I believe I am saved through baptism? Why would God choose me?
My husband seems to think christians are judgmental and fake. He is leery of someone who blatantly says "I am a Christian". This is especially true if it is one of the first things you say about yourself. I wonder, is this a personal thing for him, or, do many people feel this way? He will attend church with me, and states that he does in fact feel as though he has a better week when he has attended church. He agrees with my insistence of our daughters being confirmed and taught about our faith. He even says he likes the fact that I want to attend church, read the bible, and want to learn more about God's word. I think he respects this about me. He was confirmed Lutheran, raised Lutheran as well. His parents attend church weekly. Yet, this feeling of christians being judgmental and fake still stays with him.
I write this because these are my true and honest thoughts. My questions. My doubts. My fears. I hope I am not implying that all Lutherans have these doubts. This is me. I am not teaching or preaching. I am asking. I am looking for answers to these honest questions I have. I am looking for the truth, and to make sense of my thoughts. I am choosing to share the thoughts that make me, me. Maybe this is wrong? Something pulls me to find these answers. As cheesy as this sounds, it's true.
Help me to blend the me we all know, with the me who wants to be christian. Can I be fun, and have fun, and be me... as well as be a christian?
I invite your honest thoughts and opinions. If you have a biblical verse or chapter to suggest I read, I welcome that as well.
Thanks for reading.
Love the Life you Live,
Julie Brush
