I met Eva (and Allison - her sidekick) at the first Zumba class she taught at the Osborne Wellness Center. I had heard people talk of Zumba before, and was curious to see what it was all about.
This first class happen to be scheduled on a Friday night. I was tired and not really feeling like going. It was also the first home Lakeside High football game and Brush Art was hosting the tailgate. I knew I should go, but everyone would be there, I'd have to go see people and talk...and be nice. So, I'm standing in my kitchen thinking to myself..."I'm tired and I look like shit and I'm fat. None of my clothes fit right, the 2 items of clothing that do fit (purchased from the 'FAT WOMEN ARE US' store) are dirty, so I have nothing decent to wear to the game. I don't effing want to go looking like shit, and smile, and wave, and be happy, and bullshit with everyone. Eeewww! Especially not the cute thin people. Seriously!? Then what are you going to do Julie!? Sit at home and play computer games on face book and drink beer and feel sorry for myself cause I'm feeling fat and ugly? Shit!" So, I decided I could go to Zumba looking fat and ugly. Besides, I wouldn't know anyone there anyway...
So I get there a little late (shocker right? I know!) and I walk in and see the place is FULL. Shit! I scan the room, and I am seriously the fattest girl in attendance. Double Shit! I look over at the front of the class and see the instructor...Triple Shit! Seriously!? I say to self, "Self, you are in the wrong place, AND someone needs to sign that instructor bitch up for a 'cake of the week' club or something!" Who looks like that!? SERIOUSLY?! She is thin, but not skinny. She is tone and muscular, but not that body builder man-ish type of muscular. She is smiling and bouncing around and acting like she is actually enjoying this shit. WTF?
I need to leave this place...STAT! Then this other girl, (cute, young and fit - PUKE!) catches my eye (dammit, I'm caught) and I just look at her and say "What do I do?" She looks over at the dance floor as if she looking for a place to put me among the others. Think fast Julie! "Umm, I have to use the restroom." So she takes me to the bathroom and I think "Holy Crap, I'm gonna have to stay here and do this Zumba stuff."
I find a place, in the back and off to the side, where I do NOT have to look at myself in the mirror. Okay Julie, you are here, make the best of it. I enjoyed Zumba. The music wasn't bad and many of the moves are actually kind of fun. I looked like a fool, but once I got over myself, (so, maybe they aren't all staring at me. Maybe they ARE more concerned with themselves and you know...breathing, than they are with my fat ass flopping all over the place) I liked it. Well, more than liking Zumba, I liked that I was doing something. Anything to lose weight and start feeling better about myself.
When class was over I was feeling a mixture of "So glad I came and did this" and "My shins hurt so damn bad, I can't keep up with these people, I'm so outta shape, what is WRONG with me, I need help". Yeah, I was pretty discouraged to say the least. So, I walked up to the instructor (because I needed her address for that 'cake of the week' club I was planning to enroll her in) and she seemed really nice. Shit! I was planning on hating her. I can't hate her if she's pretty AND nice (because that would make me the bitch, and I don't like that). I learned her name was Eva and the other cute gal with her is Allison. I asked about my shin's (probably they are shin splints they say) and what can I do about them? I felt so stupid because I actually started to tear up, they really hurt, but mostly I think it was the frustration of trying to lose weight and get fit on my own, AND not seeing results, AND being in pain. Eva and I exchange full names (you know, gonna be face book friends now) and I buy Mona vie Active to help with my shin splints (which by the way works really well!) By that evening Eva has sent me a friend request.
Saturday I looked over her profile page and saw she does personal training. Holy Moly Batman! She does personal training!? Seriously!? Where do I sign up for that!? I instantly sent her a face book message and she replied right away. We set everything up for me to start right away, on MONDAY. I went to her Beloit Zumba on Sunday evening and confirmed that I would be there, 10:00 a.m. to train.
If only I could find the words to describe the fear I felt during that 30 minute drive to meet her Monday morning. I think the fear was because I knew I was really, actually going to commit to this. And that was freaking scary!
So, I survived. And I set up appointments for the next 2 weeks. Twice a week personal training. I also attended her Zumba and Tighter Assets (strength) classes. I'm not gonna lie or blow smoke up your ass, my muscles were tired and sore. It sucked mostly, but Eva was so great, it was good sometimes too. She pushes me, and I hate when she says "8 more reps Julie...You can do it!" I want to tell her where to shove those reps! But, then I do them. And when it's done, I feel awesome. I would attend those Zumba and strength classes, and many times I was the fattest girl there, I was (and still am) the slowest, the one who can't lift as much or do as many reps. I get tired and out of breath before the others...but, I decided I don't care. I'm there for me, not them. So I keep on keeping on. I know someday I won't be the biggest, slowest and most out of breath, I can already see and feel my body changing. I can't tell you I love every day of this, but I can tell you I'm committed.
I feel like I have to share an email (actually she left this in the comment section under the "My T-Shirt" Blog I posted). Sergeant Shurts sent me the following comment (dated Sept. 21) 11 days into my training. I think it gives a pretty fair and realistic account of her personality, as well as the good, the bad, and the ugly, of my personal journey to weight loss and fitness.
Off to a GREAT start Julie!! What an exciting journey we have ahead of us..picture: skipping through colorful meadows holding hands, skirts billowing in the breeze...lol! NOT!!!! More realistic: no makeup, sweat dripping in places best left unseen, teeth clenched, looking slightly constipated. That's better:) I promise to you to push you further than you want to go but as far as I know you can go. I promise to inspire you...whether through avenues of persuasion, bribery and/or threats of bodily harm. I promise to make you hurt and sweat & curse the day I was born. These things will make me smile because I know they are good for you & I know you will thank me...once the burn subsides. I see wonderful potential and a fierce drive in your eyes that got my attention the day we met. Was it 11 days ago or 11 yrs ago?? Who knows?! and this is what I will remember when (not if) you look at me and tell me you want to give up. I'll know you don't mean it & I will probably make you do a BUNCH of squats as punishment but you'll smile when I count down those last...few...reps. So rest well my friend (aka Victim) for we meet again tomorrow:) Love,Sergeant Shurts
