My T-Shirt

I'm immature, unorganized, lazy and loud. But I'm Fun!

I have a T-Shirt with the above statement written across the front. My mother gave it to me as a gift for Christmas a few years back. I laughed when I opened the gift, knowing it's mostly true. I think Tom received a shirt that same year, it said something about Rub Buddha's Belly? Oh, and who could forget the tighty whitey's he got with "I Love To Fart" printed neatly across the behind?! Fun times and crazy gifts are the norm in my family. It's one of the many reasons I love them so much.

So anyway, I liked the shirt. I thought it was funny and wore it often. I wore it around the house, to sleep in, to plant flowers and to paint Kelsey's room. I never did wear it in public. I guess, what it says about me, isn't something I was proud of. You know how when something is a little too true, it's a little more funny to everyone else (and more humbling to you)?

I actually had this shirt on (planning to paint Lohgan's room) when I fell and broke my ankle 4 years ago. Dr. Marozas laughed her head off when she read my shirt. After putting a cast on my leg, she took a picture of me in that damn Tee Shirt. She must know me pretty well?

So, I saw that shirt again the other day and thought: Okay, immature is true sometimes. I mean, usually when I'm clowning around with my family or friends I'm being pretty immature. But, that's fun times and I love making people laugh (even if it's at my own expense) so, who cares!?

Unorganized? Ugh! Hate that word. I've been unorganized since the day I was born. I have to work hard every day just to be somewhat organized. It's not something that comes natural or easy for me. I can do it for a day or even a week, then I fail. What I've learned as an adult is to just try like hell every single day. Seriously, I'm freaking ADHD. Didn't I recently lose my own BLOG?! So, unorganized? Yeah, I've accepted it and I work on it....let's move on!

Loud? Seriously!? Have you met me? Umm, yeah... this would be a big "Hells yeah!" Of course I'm calm and quiet at times (when it's totally required of me) but mostly I'm loud. I know this will completely shock you, but I may even be a bit "attention-seeking" at times. (Shhh, don't tell anyone...I keep saying I have NO CLUE where Sarah gets this awful behavior!)

Lazy? Yuck. This one is the killer. I can definitely argue this one both ways. As the ADHD student in elementary school, I was often described as "Lazy" by the teachers. " Not completing assignments, not staying on task. " As I grew older, the statements changed. "Julie is skipping school, she is not driven to succeed, she has no real goals, no motivation in school." I must say this sounds like a lazy, delinquent kid to me! Then, towards the end of my Junior year in high school, one teacher told my mom, "I just can't see how Julie will graduate from high school." This particular teacher was not trying to be mean or hurtful, I think she was mearly stating what she saw as an obvious fact. It was, to put it mildly, a "reality check".

When my mother walked through my bedroom door that evening, (Okay, let's be honest. My mom actually pushed the door only part of the way open - as much as possible with clothes and trash wedged between my door and the wall - and remained in the hallway, for she had a very legitimate fear of tripping over something in my room, thus causing bodily harm or possibly even death - Seriously! Have you seen the show "Hoarders"? Yeah, it was that bad. Can you say Lazy?) as she stood in the hallway after parent/teacher conferences she seemed resigned to the fact that I would fail. She had tears in her eyes. No anger, no yelling or grounding me this time. It was like I had "won". I have proven I didn't care, wouldn't try to succeed in school. There was nothing more she could do, so she was painfully and tearfully accepting the reality of my failure.

AND THIS PISSED ME OFF!!! My mother was giving up on me?! This was not going to happen! I was scared, and I decided then and there I WAS going to graduate high school. I won't tell you all the hairy details, but I transferred schools, worked hard, went to my regular classes and took night classes my whole senior year, and I graduated. As my Dad would say, "You pulled that one out of your ass Julie!" I tell you this as just one example of turning "Lazy" into "Driven". Yes, I can be Lazy. I can be Driven, Motivated and Successful as well.

I guess that's why "Lazy" on that T-Shirt is the word that bothers me so much. It has been so true AND so false in my life.

As I begin my second week with my personal trainer, Eva Shurts (Or, as I call her, Sergeant Shurts) my body is tired and my muscles are sore. I can't go as long, or as fast, or as hard, as the others...but I am going. At times, I want to give up on myself, resign to a life of being overweight and unfit. It would be easier, and...it would also be Lazy. I'm going to chose Driven, Motivated and Successful this time around. Lazy will be "false" in my life once again. Unfortunately, I can't "pull it out of my ass" but I know I can do it. I am scared, but I have decided I AM going to be fit. Seriously! I think I'll wear that T-Shirt my next training session. When I look in the mirror and see "Lazy" it'll motivate me to be just the opposite.

Here's to Less Lazy and More Motivation!

Random Thoughts by Julie Brush