Starvation Diet = Icky

Just to let you know, I HAVE actually been on a diet before. It was the "take diet pills and starve yourself " type of diet. You know, there is weight watchers, no carb, low carb, low fat, special K, Nutrisystem, diet center and my all time favorite, the grapefruit diet. None of them worked for me. Sometimes I'd add in a little exercise (everyday for ummm....2 days in a row, or something like that). The only thing that ever worked for me in the past was the diet pills and starve myself diet. I thought it was great! I mean to tell you, I saw quick results. I dropped about 20 pounds in 8 weeks. I remember laying in bed at night and thinking " Wow, I did really great today! The only things I ingested today were cigarettes, Diet Coke and Extra sugar free chewing gum. I'm so awesome!" Yeah. Are you thinking what I am thinking? I'm thinking 2 things. First of all, What a dumb ass I was. Second, hind site is 20/20 baby!

What I did not take into consideration 10 years ago, when I did this to myself, was:

#1) I can't take diet pills forever.

#2) The wedding dress I was losing weight for was NOT more important to me than the man I was marrying OR the wonderful family who raised me OR the wonderful family I was marrying into. Seriously! I am not even exaggerating when I say BRIDEZILLA! Oh my gosh I have to say it again...SERIOUSLY?! Have you ever tried to plan a wedding (or like, you know, be nice) when you haven't eaten for days at a time? Not eating is like PMS on crack! I am so lucky Tom even went through with marrying my crazy ass! And my mother? Well, she must be a saint to have put up with me. And, now that I think about it, my Dad was probably crying tears of JOY as he walked me down the aisle, thrilled to get me married off to some other man who would put up with me.

#3) Metabolism. What's that? You mean I have to eat and exercise to keep that metabolism thing working? Shit. I must have skipped class the day they taught that in Basic Nutrition 101 at K-State. Oops! Well crap. Bring on the poundage....

One of the most shocking things for me to accept is the amount of weight I have put on since my wedding in 2001. What a reality check this is for me. As I think about the weight gain, as I sit here at my desk and type this on my blog...it's as if I am slapped across the face. For a moment I am somber. The humor and the wise cracks leave me here alone with my thoughts and my keyboard. I feel like for me to be successful, I must be honest. Ugly and embarrassing, unable to cover it up with humor... The God's Honest truth is: I absolutely fucking hate the body I have been living in. I have let myself gain ONE HUNDRED and EIGHT POUNDS since the day I got married to the love of my life. That, my friend, is fucking disgusting!

Okay. Back to the fun stuff. Yikes! I feel like I need "Cootie Spray" now, to get rid of the yucky, sobering, reality thoughts. Yuck. That was tough. I hate being serious like that. Whew. Thankfully that is over with!

From my heaviest ever (documented) weight, I was down 20.4 pounds by the time I met Eva. Keep in mind... There was a lot of up and down fluctuating between my heaviest weight and the weight I was on September 13th 2010. I'll never forget September 13th. It was my first personal training session with Eva, and I had weighed myself that morning. She asked me to take my measurements, so I could see my progress. I told her my weight and asked if she could just take my measurements for me. I knew I could cheat if I did it myself.

She has not done my measurements again yet, although I'm thinking she'll do it soon. Next Wednesday is the 13th. One month baby! :-)

I weighed myself again this morning. I've dropped 5.6 pounds since September 13th. And, this time it was done the right way. Eating healthy foods (not on a diet, more like a lifestyle change) and lots of exercise. That is almost 1/4 of a pound a day. Almost a pound and a half a week.

It's not coming off as fast as it did on the starvation diet, but this time around I feel happy and healthy. Most importantly, I know it will stay off (and I'm doing it without the whole PMS on crack attitude, so I'm thinking it's much better on my family and my marriage).

Much love and lots of kisses to those of you who understand where I've been.

Also, to those who appreciate my candid, ugly and embarrassing honesty.

And most of all, to those of you who love me, and who support my blogs, and my journey to lose weight and get fit (the healthy way). I love you all and could never do this without you.

XOXO,

Julie Brush